Well, how about this for a first blog entry?
Since this is currently my issue I guess we’ll just have at it then.
Drinking and I have had quite the relationship since I began at…age 13. I know, same as you right? – me trying to feel better about all this. It has been, for the most part, a good relationship. I have had many good times but when it’s bad…man, thinking about it now it’s gotten bad quite a few times, eesh!
Throughout these many years of drinking I have been quite irresponsible. I know I’m in my early 20’s still and it can slide just a little, but I feel like for me personally and being the person I am I can do much better sometimes, many times….most times.
Let’s just say I have had some troubles in this department. Mostly because I feel like I am a better me with alcohol involved, haha! I mean, I enjoy being social and having fun, apart of me needs to be social, it keeps me going in a sense. But I get caught up in the fun and take one two many sometimes. I had been good about it for the past few months. I even attempted a whole month of not drinking, I cut myself some slack here and there and would have one drink. Okay, I didn’t make it the whole month, but I almost did so I am proud of that. I don’t necessarily check for perfectionism anyways, it’s not something I even aim for…seeing how everyone says nothing is perfect, then why aim for the unachievable – me trying to justify myself.
Anyways, like I was saying, I had been doing an okay job. Fell off the wagon just a couple times but I got right back up. But, let me tell you the last couple times I have just failed, miserably!
I feel like there’s a line and once it’s crossed, it’s bye Felicia for me. I pass that threshold and I take off. I also have been finding that what I like to drink, like the things I like the taste of (since I want to also enjoy my drink), is always the thing with the higher alcohol percentage. Like no chill! And maybe 5 of mine is 10 of the other persons. Why can’t I just have a few beers? What’s with it with the wine, champagne, dirty martinis, watermelon juice and vodkas (I can explain)…and other delicious cocktails I thoroughly enjoy!? It’s what I like, but it’s what definitely gets me over that line, real quick. And I am a small girl, over here drinking for like 3 people.
Point is, after the last two times that I have been out (which has been twice in one week), I have woken up in complete disappointment! Luckily I had no responsibilities those days which is partly why but I just, overdid it! Completely embarrassed myself in front of my family and that’s just not attractive, what are you doing child!? I don’t really need the pep talks right now either, I am my toughest critic. I have just been basking in disappointment, I got this one on my own.
The good news is, apparently I can be saved since I am aware my relationship with alcohol is unstable, and I can admit that. Therefore, I haven’t completely fallen off the deep end. Also, I am sorry to anyone who may have been harmed in the filming of the past two drunken stupers, I hope you all can still love me and possibly just forget all of that – me wishful thinking and I am also sorry to myself for being a mess. I am so very glad that no real damage has been done, I have never truly gotten into any real trouble. So before that happens…I have decided I will take charge of the situation, I have forgiven myself…I will set some limits and try my very best to be impeccable with my word.
This will not be the easiest thing for me, I love being social, I love to dance, I love to be with friends and I love drinks. Also, I live on island paradise where drinking is involved in pretty much everything. It’s in the lifestyle. But I know that if I want to get where I am going this is not the road to travel.
I know I am not the only one, and I think it is very okay to have fun and let loose, but I think setting some boundaries is the step I need to take here.
And the reason I am sharing this is because, well maybe I can let you feel a little bit better about yourself. You are not the only one screwing up!
It’s the start of a new week, let me try this again. #BeTheChange
*Oh, and people in the comment section, be nice…I’m delicate right now!